October 20, 2005

The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week Eight

Week Seven in the Telepathic Tabernacle was not exactly what we could consider to be our idea of "lucky," but we will take it over that debacle in Week Six. Things did not start promising in Week Seven as the boys of Troy tangled with the hallucinogenic Leprechauns at South Bend and got off to the customary slow start. However, unlike past games, they did not put the Leps away until push came to shove and Reggie Bush helped Matt Leinart into the end zone late in the fourth quarter with the approval of Touchdown Buddha. That set off the largest display of worldwide whining on this side of the men's basketball squad at the Athens Olympics. For approximately two millionths of a second, the TeleTab nearly believed Notre Dame's plight and how nothing ever goes the poor Leps' way…until we remembered about that network they own, that special BCS Taliban clause they get and all those bank accounts where they store all their money. So Notre Dame lost on a call nobody in the Tab nor the rest of the free world has ever seen a football official make. Ever. Boo and hoo.

Meanwhile, in less publicized but just as dramatic fashion, UCLA pulled a rabbit out of their hats and got the Straight Up win to ruin the Tab's single upset prediction last week. Sure, we got both that game and the Oregon State game in the ATS Division where we needed it most - but it was only a half full glass of champagne we drank in the victory celebration. The full glass was saved for Oregon, who, as predicted, easily disposed of Washington in that gigantic, monstrous rivalry game that had all the major television networks - and Oregon Sports Network - clamoring to televise it. Even the OLN network was battling the YES network for the lucrative international market rights. That game got the Gem of the Week, back on track with a 3-4 record for the year and the Tab was so pleased with the results that we have decided to make Oregon a rare back-to-back Gem of the Week pick.

Although we did do our homework - Oregon has defeated Arizona by an average of 27 points over the past four years [and covered every time] while getting only 8.5 points this time - all we really needed to see was that Arizona-Stanford game. Now UC-Davis wants the Wildcats and the Cougars on their 2006 schedule and they are thinking of applying for membership in the Pac-10. The Tab does not want all that - just the Highlighters over the Wildcats as the Gem this week will do fine. The Cougs should cover again but until the Tab sees a legitimate fourth quarter, we are not predicting a Straight Up win, the boys of Troy get a breather and UCLA breathes a sigh of relief. This week's illegitimate illegal tenders….



STRAIGHT UP


USC over Washington

Arizona State over Stanford

Oregon over Arizona

UCLA over Oregon State

California over WSU



Last Week: 2-3

Overall: 34-11



AGAINST THE SPREAD


USC [-29.5] over Washington

ASU [-9] over Stanford

Oregon [-8.5] over Arizona

UCLA [-8.5] over OSU

WSU [+12.5] over Cal



Last Week: 3-2

Overall: 28-16-1



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